{"id":16016,"date":"2025-09-21T21:51:03","date_gmt":"2025-09-21T21:51:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/?p=16016"},"modified":"2025-09-22T04:44:07","modified_gmt":"2025-09-22T04:44:07","slug":"charlie-kirks-funeral-and-my-journey-back-to-faith","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/charlie-kirks-funeral-and-my-journey-back-to-faith\/","title":{"rendered":"Charlie Kirk\u2019s Funeral and My Journey Back to Faith"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>On September 21st in the US (22nd here in the Philippines), I found myself listening to the funeral ceremony for Charlie Kirk. The stadium in Arizona was filled with people\u2014family, friends, leaders, students, and thousands who had been touched by his relentless ministry. As I listened, it stirred something deep in me. Memories of my own faith journey came flooding back, and I realized I\u2019ve fallen short in ways I can no longer ignore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe title=\"LIVE NOW: Building A Legacy, Remembering Charlie Kirk\" width=\"1080\" height=\"608\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/zkX2rIn_q8o?feature=oembed\"  allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" data-load-mode=\"1\"><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>This post is not just about Charlie. It\u2019s about how his life reminded me of my own calling, my failures, and why I need to return to the man I was meant to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Finding Christ<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I found Christ as a teenager. Back in Salt Lake City, I was spending time at the Main Street Coffee House. My pastor, Clint Roberts, and the team at Summit Church showed me a kind of love and forgiveness I\u2019d never experienced. I was welcomed despite who I was, and in that forgiveness, I found strength. Through them, Christ became real to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>From that moment, I had a fire in me. I gave up drinking. I gave up marijuana. I even turned myself in on old warrants, spending nine months in jail when I was just 19. Why? Because Romans 12 weighed heavy on me\u2014I wanted to be accountable. I wanted to live for Jesus fully, without compromise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Early Outreach<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In those early years, I was effective at reaching people who didn\u2019t want to be reached. My brother came to church with me. My mother, a devout Mormon, joined me in services. Friends who\u2019d never set foot in a church before came with me. My first wife also gave her life to the Lord around that time. For three or four years, it felt like I was doing what I was meant to do: helping people encounter Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I even poured my energy into media outreach. I created Utah Pirate Radio and ran websites like BehindZionCurtain.com and later XCannabis.com (short for \u201cChristians for Cannabis\u201d). I debated Mormon apologists from BYU for years, never backing down when it came to defending my faith. Like Charlie, I wasn\u2019t apologetic about loving Jesus. I confronted lies head-on but tried to do it in love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Falling Away<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>But life has a way of breaking you down. My ex-wife and I struggled. I got distracted by work, pouring myself into jobs that demanded 96 hours a week. Eventually, I was isolated\u2014just me in a room, answering calls for six years. Ministry and friendships faded away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then came the accident. Broken bones, surgeries, titanium in my legs, even losing my front teeth. I was confined to a wheelchair. But the physical pain wasn\u2019t the hardest part. The emotional trauma from my ex-wife\u2019s relentless attacks nearly destroyed me. I spiraled into depression and PTSD. Twice I came close to ending it all. A gun in my mouth once, a bottle of pills another time. The only thing that kept me here was my kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Divorce was the only path forward. I hate divorce. I hate what it does to families and kids. But in my case, it was either divorce or death. That\u2019s the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Losing My Fire<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>After the accident and the years of trauma, I withdrew from everyone\u2014mentors, pastors, even family. I ignored emails and messages, cutting myself off from the people who once gave me strength. I stopped being the man who brought others to Christ and became someone who avoided responsibility. My ministry, my testimony, my outreach\u2014all of it crumbled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Charlie\u2019s Example<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Then I listened to Charlie\u2019s memorial. You can watch it yourself here: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/live\/zkX2rIn_q8o\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Charlie Kirk Memorial<span class=\"wpil-link-icon\" title=\"Link goes to external site.\" style=\"margin: 0 0 0 5px;\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" style=\"height:16px; width:16px; fill:#000000; stroke:#000000; display:inline-block;\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:svg=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><g id=\"wpil-svg-outbound-1-icon-path\" transform=\"matrix(0.046875,0,0,0.046875,0.0234375,0.02343964)\">\r\n                            <path d=\"M 473.563,227.063 407.5,161 262.75,305.75 c -25,25 -49.563,41 -74.5,16 -25,-25 -9,-49.5 16,-74.5 L 349,102.5 283.937,37.406 c -14.188,-14.188 -2,-37.906 19,-37.906 h 170.625 c 20.938,0 37.938,16.969 37.938,37.906 v 170.688 c 0,20.937 -23.687,33.187 -37.937,18.969 z M 63.5,447.5 h 320 V 259.313 l 64,64 V 447.5 c 0,35.375 -28.625,64 -64,64 h -320 c -35.375,0 -64,-28.625 -64,-64 v -320 c 0,-35.344 28.625,-64 64,-64 h 124.188 l 64,64 H 63.5 Z\" \/>\r\n                        <\/g><\/svg><\/span><\/a>. What I heard humbled me. Charlie was relentless. He ran Turning Point USA, traveled the world, hosted a major podcast, debated on college campuses, and still found time to personally respond to emails from strangers. Not just once, but back-and-forth conversations with multiple people daily. Who does that? Who has that much love, discipline, and drive?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Charlie did. And it broke me to realize how much I\u2019ve avoided in my own life. I once had that same fire, but I let the world, trauma, and excuses steal it from me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why This Matters<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As I listened to the speakers at his funeral, I couldn\u2019t help but compare myself to Charlie. Not in a way that leads to jealousy, but in a way that convicted me. I\u2019ve wasted years avoiding people when I should have been helping them. I\u2019ve hidden when I should have stood up. And I know I owe it to my children, my friends, my community, and most of all Christ, to stop running.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Charlie\u2019s life is a challenge to me, and maybe it should be to you too. None of us are guaranteed time. He was young, and yet his impact was massive. Imagine what we could do if we lived with the same conviction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">My Next Step<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m done avoiding. I\u2019m done letting trauma and fear control me. I need to return to who I was when I first found Christ\u2014a man on fire to reach the lost, unapologetic about his faith, willing to confront lies, but always with love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t know what my outreach will look like yet. Maybe it\u2019s picking up the microphone again, maybe it\u2019s answering those emails I\u2019ve ignored, maybe it\u2019s reconnecting with the mentors and friends I\u2019ve shut out. But it starts now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Charlie\u2019s legacy will live on through Turning Point USA and through Erica, his wife, who is stepping forward with strength. But his legacy also lives on in anyone willing to take up the same call. I want to be one of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you want to understand why his life mattered so much, I encourage you to watch both videos:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>My reflection and testimony here: <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/nWifpGX8uoE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Watch on YouTube<span class=\"wpil-link-icon\" title=\"Link goes to external site.\" style=\"margin: 0 0 0 5px;\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" style=\"height:16px; width:16px; fill:#000000; stroke:#000000; display:inline-block;\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:svg=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><use href=\"#wpil-svg-outbound-1-icon-path\"><\/use><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Charlie Kirk\u2019s Memorial here: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/live\/zkX2rIn_q8o\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Watch the Memorial<span class=\"wpil-link-icon\" title=\"Link goes to external site.\" style=\"margin: 0 0 0 5px;\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" style=\"height:16px; width:16px; fill:#000000; stroke:#000000; display:inline-block;\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:svg=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><use href=\"#wpil-svg-outbound-1-icon-path\"><\/use><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>And if you want to learn more about my story after I first found Christ, you can read my old biography archived here: <a href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20091001000000*\/mystory.behindzioncurtain.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">My Story<span class=\"wpil-link-icon\" title=\"Link goes to external site.\" style=\"margin: 0 0 0 5px;\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" style=\"height:16px; width:16px; fill:#000000; stroke:#000000; display:inline-block;\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:svg=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><use href=\"#wpil-svg-outbound-1-icon-path\"><\/use><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Thank you, Charlie, for inspiring me to face myself again. May your example push many of us back into the fight this broken world desperately needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Sources<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>My testimony video: <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/nWifpGX8uoE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/youtu.be\/nWifpGX8uoE<span class=\"wpil-link-icon\" title=\"Link goes to external site.\" style=\"margin: 0 0 0 5px;\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" style=\"height:16px; width:16px; fill:#000000; stroke:#000000; display:inline-block;\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:svg=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><use href=\"#wpil-svg-outbound-1-icon-path\"><\/use><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Charlie Kirk\u2019s memorial: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/live\/zkX2rIn_q8o\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/live\/zkX2rIn_q8o<span class=\"wpil-link-icon\" title=\"Link goes to external site.\" style=\"margin: 0 0 0 5px;\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" style=\"height:16px; width:16px; fill:#000000; stroke:#000000; display:inline-block;\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:svg=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><use href=\"#wpil-svg-outbound-1-icon-path\"><\/use><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>My early biography: <a href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20091001000000*\/mystory.behindzioncurtain.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20091001000000*\/mystory.behindzioncurtain.com<span class=\"wpil-link-icon\" title=\"Link goes to external site.\" style=\"margin: 0 0 0 5px;\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" style=\"height:16px; width:16px; fill:#000000; stroke:#000000; display:inline-block;\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:svg=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><use href=\"#wpil-svg-outbound-1-icon-path\"><\/use><\/svg><\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n    <ul class=\"prli-social-buttons\">\n              <li>\n            <a class=\"pl-social-facebook-button\" href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fdisruptarian.com%2Fblog%2Fwd4v&#038;t=Charlie+Kirk%E2%80%99s+Funeral+and+My+Journey+Back+to+Faith\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" onclick=\"javascript:window.open(this.href, '', 'menubar=no,toolbar=no,resizable=yes,scrollbars=yes,height=600,width=600');return false;\">\n              <i class=\"pl-icon-facebook\"> <\/i>\n            <\/a>\n          <\/li>\n                  <li>\n            <a class=\"pl-social-twitter-button\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=Charlie+Kirk%E2%80%99s+Funeral+and+My+Journey+Back+to+Faith+https%3A%2F%2Fdisruptarian.com%2Fblog%2Fwd4v\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" onclick=\"javascript:window.open(this.href, '', 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href=\"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/dj-disruptarians-navigating-the-emotional-storm-a-sea-shanty-of-turbulent-love\/\" class=\"lwrp-list-link\"><span class=\"lwrp-list-link-title-text\">DJ Disruptarian\u2019s \u2018Navigating the Emotional Storm\u2019 \u2013 A Sea Shanty of Turbulent Love<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"lwrp-list-item\"><a href=\"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/congos-m23-rebels-take-control-of-goma-and-more-updates-dd-india\/\" class=\"lwrp-list-link\"><span class=\"lwrp-list-link-title-text\">Congo\u2019s M23 rebels take control of Goma and more updates | DD India<\/span><\/a><\/li>                    <\/ul>\r\n                <\/div>\r\n                        <\/div>\r\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Listening to Charlie Kirk\u2019s funeral reminded me of my own lost fire for ministry. This post is my raw testimony\u2014finding Christ, losing my way, battling trauma, and why Charlie\u2019s legacy is calling me back to faith and responsibility.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":16018,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":"","_wpscp_schedule_draft_date":"","_wpscp_schedule_republish_date":"","_wpscppro_advance_schedule":false,"_wpscppro_advance_schedule_date":"","_wpscppro_dont_share_socialmedia":false,"_wpscppro_custom_social_share_image":0,"_facebook_share_type":"","_twitter_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type":"","_pinterest_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type_page":"","_instagram_share_type":"","_medium_share_type":"","_threads_share_type":"","_google_business_share_type":"","_selected_social_profile":[],"_wpsp_enable_custom_social_template":false,"_wpsp_social_scheduling":{"enabled":false,"datetime":null,"platforms":[],"status":"template_only","dateOption":"today","timeOption":"now","customDays":"","customHours":"","customDate":"","customTime":"","schedulingType":"absolute"},"_wpsp_active_default_template":true},"categories":[9453],"tags":[12076,12083,12079,11808,12086,12085,12084,12082,12080,12089,12088,12081,12087,12078,12090,12077,10521,11798,10519],"class_list":["post-16016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-podcast","tag-addiction-and-faith","tag-behind-zion-curtain","tag-cannabis-and-christianity","tag-charlie-kirk-funeral","tag-charlie-kirk-memorial","tag-christian-activism","tag-christian-mentorship","tag-christian-outreach","tag-christian-testimony","tag-divorce-and-faith","tag-finding-christ","tag-inspirational-testimony","tag-libertarian-christian","tag-overcoming-trauma","tag-personal-redemption-story","tag-ptsd-recovery","tag-ryan-dickie-thompson","tag-turning-point-usa","tag-xcannabis"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16016"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16016\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16018"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}