{"id":20324,"date":"2026-03-09T19:18:55","date_gmt":"2026-03-09T19:18:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/?p=20324"},"modified":"2026-03-10T11:04:48","modified_gmt":"2026-03-10T11:04:48","slug":"pressing-charges-myth-criminal-law","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/disruptarian.com\/blog\/pressing-charges-myth-criminal-law\/","title":{"rendered":"The Pressing Charges Myth: Why Victims Don’t Control Criminal Cases"},"content":{"rendered":"

You\u2019ve seen it a thousand times on Law & Order<\/em> or some gritty Netflix reboot. A guy gets punched, the cops show up, and they lean over the victim with a notepad. “Do you want to press charges?” the officer asks with a stoic nod. The victim says “No,” and everyone goes home.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a great trope. It makes for clean television. It also happens to be a total load of crap.<\/p>\n

In the real world, the one where I live and the one where Disruptarian operates, the “Pressing Charges” myth is one of the most dangerous misunderstandings of the legal system. Most people think they are the protagonists of their own legal dramas. They think they hold the remote control.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m here to tell you that once the blue lights start flashing, you\u2019ve lost the remote. The State has it now. And the State doesn\u2019t care about your feelings, your “forgiveness,” or your desire to just “move on.”<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had to learn this the hard way across three different decades, two different countries, and three separate physical altercations where I was the one assaulted. Each time, the same myth reared its ugly head. Each time, the State reminded me who actually owns the monopoly on violence.<\/p>\n

2015: The “Boxing Ring” Incident<\/h3>\n

Back in 2015, I was dealing with a classic case of family-adjacent drama. My ex-wife\u2019s half-brother, a kid with a criminal record full of harassment and terroristic threats, decided to make me his hobby. He was threatening me, harassing me, and generally being a nuisance.<\/p>\n

Being a fan of the old-school ways of settling things, I offered him a libertarian solution: Let\u2019s go to a boxing ring. Fair fight. One on one. No cops, no lawyers, just a ring and some gloves.<\/p>\n

He declined.<\/p>\n

Instead, his step-dad decided to show up at my front door to do the dirty work. He assaulted me right there on my property. When the Pocatello police arrived and interviewed everyone, they did their job. They looked at the facts and determined I wasn\u2019t the aggressor.<\/p>\n

\"Gritty
\nVisual: A gritty, high-contrast boxing ring set in a dark alleyway, symbolizing the “fair fight” that the state refuses to allow.<\/em><\/p>\n

The officer asked me that famous question: “Do you want to press charges?”<\/p>\n

I said no. I didn't want the headache. I didn't want the court dates. I just wanted this guy to leave me alone. But here is where the “myth” shattered. The other guy, the one who actually started the fight, decided he<\/em> wanted to press charges on me<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The result? We both got charged.<\/p>\n

Wait, what? I declined charges, and he asked for them, so the State just… charged everyone? Exactly. Eventually, the charges against me were dropped (because, you know, reality), and he pleaded guilty to the charges against him.<\/p>\n

The kicker? Even though I officially “declined” to file charges in the initial police report, the State pursued him anyway. Why? Because the State doesn't need a victim's permission to prosecute a crime. Once they decide a law was broken, the “victim” becomes a piece of evidence, not a decision-maker.<\/p>\n

References about that:<\/p>\n