Part 3: The State, Society, and the Breakdown of Trust

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So far we’ve looked at men and women in the modern West. Both are struggling—men unsure of their role, women caught between biology and ideology. But there’s a bigger player in this story, one that too often gets ignored: the state.

When governments insert themselves into relationships, things stop being private and start being political. Love turns into paperwork. Trust turns into contracts. And when those contracts are rigged, men and women start treating each other less like partners and more like potential liabilities.

Marriage as a government contract

Let’s be blunt: marriage in the West isn’t just a personal vow. It’s a legal agreement overseen by the state. You don’t need a judge to love someone, but you need one to divorce them. And the state takes its cut every step of the way.

Alimony, custody, property division—these aren’t private negotiations, they’re dictated by courts.
Lawyers become middlemen in what should be intimate commitments.
And when things go bad, it’s not just heartbreak, it’s a courtroom battle where the state decides who “wins.”

What should be the most personal bond in human life—marriage—has been hijacked by bureaucrats. It’s like hiring the DMV to referee your wedding vows.

Divorce as a weapon

Here’s the ugly truth: divorce law in the West often incentivizes breaking families apart. If you think that’s an exaggeration, look at the numbers. Since no-fault divorce became the norm in the 1970s, rates skyrocketed. Why? Because one person could walk away, take half the assets, and often gain custody of the kids.

Now, imagine being a man watching his peers lose their homes, their savings, and sometimes their kids. Do you think he’s going to run to the altar? No way. He’ll see marriage less as love and more as Russian roulette.

This isn’t just paranoia. Men know the system is stacked. Even women quietly admit it, though many benefit from the imbalance. And when both sides treat relationships like potential lawsuits, trust evaporates.

Society as referee

But it’s not just the state. Society itself has poisoned the well. Cultural narratives paint men as abusers-in-waiting and women as oppressed victims, even though reality is far more complex.

Men are told they’re “toxic” just for being masculine.
Women are told commitment is “settling.”
Hookup culture is glorified while loyalty is mocked as old-fashioned.

This constant drumbeat erodes the foundation of trust between the sexes. Men and women stop seeing each other as natural allies and start seeing each other as rivals—or worse, enemies.

Love as a marketplace

Throw in technology and you get another layer of dysfunction. Dating apps treat people like commodities. Swipe left, swipe right—it’s shopping for humans. Attraction becomes transactional. Relationships become disposable.

Combine that with the state’s legal incentives, and you get a perfect storm: people who enter relationships cautiously, half-committed, always with one eye on the exit. It’s like building a house with the front door already open. No wonder families collapse under the first sign of stress.

Trust: the missing ingredient

At the heart of this mess is trust—or the lack of it.

Men don’t trust women not to exploit the legal system.
Women don’t trust men to stay committed when things get hard.
Both don’t trust society to respect their choices.

So what do they do? They retreat into control mechanisms: prenups, ultimatums, games. They hold back emotionally. They test instead of committing. And all the while, the state sits in the background, ready to swoop in if things go wrong.

It’s like duct-taping a broken bridge and wondering why no one wants to cross it.

Libertarian view: keep the state out

From a liberty perspective, the solution is obvious: get the state out of relationships. Marriage should be a private contract between adults, not a government program.

If you want a religious wedding, fine—take it to your church.
If you want a civil contract, fine—write one and sign it with your partner.
But why does the state need to hold your hand?

Government has no business deciding who gets what in a breakup or who “owns” the kids. Those decisions should be handled privately or through voluntary arbitration, not by a bureaucrat with a gavel.

When the state inserts itself into human bonds, it distorts incentives. People start gaming the system instead of trusting each other. That’s not love, that’s politics.

The cultural shift we need

Of course, kicking the state out won’t magically solve cultural rot. People also need to rethink their values. Loyalty, responsibility, family—these used to be central to Western life. Now they’re treated as burdens.

You know what? Convenience has replaced commitment. Why fight for a relationship when you can just swipe for a new one? Why work through problems when you can file for divorce and let the courts split the assets?

That mindset is poison. And the only antidote is a cultural shift back to responsibility. Men and women need to stop treating each other like enemies and start acting like allies again.

What this means for men and women

For men: Don’t let fear of the state paralyze you. Yes, the system is unfair. But hiding in bitterness only makes you weaker. Build trust carefully, choose wisely, and be a man of integrity.
For women: Stop viewing men as disposable or replaceable. Respect and loyalty go further than short-term thrills. Don’t buy the lie that commitment is oppression—it’s strength.
For both: Push back on the culture that glorifies hookups and mocks family. Real rebellion in the West today isn’t sleeping around—it’s building a strong family that can’t be broken by courts or cultural fads.

Closing thought

The state and society have poisoned the relationship well, but the antidote is still in our hands. Trust, loyalty, and responsibility aren’t old-fashioned—they’re revolutionary in a world that treats everything as temporary.

If men and women start rejecting the state’s interference and society’s poison, they can rebuild what’s been lost. And when they do, they’ll find out that true partnership isn’t a contract enforced by government—it’s a voluntary bond that no courtroom can destroy.

Social Norms and the Legal Regulation of Marriage – Explains covenant marriage vs. no-fault systems. scholarship.law.columbia.edu
The History of American Divorce Law and Its Ghosts – Legal overview of no-fault divorce consequences. aaml.org
Why No-Fault Divorce Is Bad for Families and Society – Critique of societal impacts from a cultural viewpoint. Public Square Magazine
Economic Origins of the No-Fault Divorce Revolution – Academic look into the economic logic behind marital law reforms. peterleeson.com
Repealing No-Fault Divorce… (AP News) – Contemporary debate around undoing no-fault divorce in the U.S. AP News

This is part of a 5 part series on modern relationships between men and women (real men, and real women)

Part 1: Men in the Modern West

How men lost their traditional roles as providers/protectors
The collapse of purpose: passivity, dominance, or online bitterness
What true masculinity means today (integrity, resilience, direction)
Impact of state interference and fear of divorce courts
Call to action for men to take responsibility and build strength

Part 2: Women in the Modern West (scheduled for September 10th 2025)

The false promise of “having it all” (career, independence, family later)
Biology vs ideology: fertility realities ignored by culture
Loneliness epidemic despite career success
The myth of independence leading to isolation
Re-centering respect, cooperation, and family priorities