Gaslighting vs. Greenlighting: Navigating Family Support in LGBTQ+ Journeys
Gaslighting vs. Greenlighting: Navigating Family Support in LGBTQ+ Journeys
By Ryan Thompson
In the ever-evolving landscape of family dynamics, particularly when it comes to supporting LGBTQ+ children, there’s a profound difference between what I’ve come to call “gaslighting” and “greenlighting.” My personal journey as a parent whose children have embraced various gender identities and sexual orientations has taught me valuable lessons about support, validation, and the power of recorded history.
When Memories Collide: The Challenge of Different Narratives
In 2022, I had a recorded conversation with my children about our family history regarding LGBTQ+ issues. They shared perspectives suggesting I had been intolerant—stories that didn’t align with my own memories. Rather than dismissing their experiences, I listened and asked for more information, explaining my perspective as well.
What happened next was unexpected. After discovering dashcam footage from years past—dozens of recordings capturing our conversations during pivotal moments in their journeys—I found evidence that contradicted their recollections. These recordings documented me driving my eldest daughter to her transgender partner’s house for sleepovers and taking my second eldest for a haircut that would help affirm her identity. The footage revealed consistent support that I had genuinely provided.
The Gaslighting Accusation
Now, I face accusations of “gaslighting” them about these interactions. Gaslighting—manipulating someone into questioning their own reality—is a serious charge. But the evidence tells a different story. Rather than minimizing their experiences, the recordings show me actively “greenlighting” them—supporting their journeys and validating their identities.
This isn’t just recent behavior. My public support for LGBTQ+ rights dates back to 2008 when my eldest daughter was just three years old. I spoke out against Proposition 8 in California, defending gay marriage rights when it wasn’t as widely accepted as it is today. Over the years, I’ve created numerous YouTube videos advocating for LGBTQ+ dignity and rights.
Support Without Uniform Agreement
Being supportive doesn’t mean agreeing with every position or ideology. I’ve maintained my support for my children and the broader LGBTQ+ community while respectfully holding different views on certain issues. For instance, I have concerns about transgender women competing in women’s sports, and I maintain certain beliefs about biological sex that differ from some progressive perspectives.
The beauty of genuine support is that it doesn’t require ideological conformity. True acceptance means embracing people for who they are while maintaining the space for respectful disagreement on specific issues.
Gaslighting vs. Greenlighting: Understanding the Difference
The contrast between gaslighting and greenlighting is stark:
Gaslighting invalidates experiences:
- “You’re too dramatic; that’s not how it happened.”
- “Our family is perfectly fine. You’re the only one who thinks there’s a problem.”
- “Your problems aren’t real problems; focus on your studies and you’ll be fine.”
- “You’re so selfish for wanting time to yourself.”
- “There’s nothing wrong with our family. You’re just making things up to cause drama.”
- “You’re always overreacting. No one else gets as emotional as you do.”
Greenlighting validates experiences while maintaining dialogue:
- “I don’t remember it that way, but I want to understand your perspective.”
- “I don’t think there’s a big problem, but I’m open to hearing what you’re experiencing.”
- “I know you’re dealing with a lot, and your feelings are valid.”
- “I get that you need some time for yourself. Let’s figure out how to balance that.”
- “I understand you feel there’s something wrong. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.”
- “I notice you’re feeling emotional. Can we discuss what’s triggering these feelings?”
Greenlighting vs Gaslighting
The Danger of Victimhood Narratives
Within some segments of the LGBTQ+ community, there exists what I call the “Jussie Smollett syndrome“—a tendency to amplify or fabricate victimhood narratives to demonstrate resilience against adversity. While discrimination against LGBTQ+ individuals remains a serious issue, manufacturing false narratives ultimately undermines genuine experiences of prejudice.
My children have rewritten our family history in ways that position me as an adversary they had to overcome—despite evidence to the contrary. This creates a problematic dynamic where support is erased in favor of a more dramatic story of personal triumph.
Moving Forward: Reconciling Truth and Perception
The journey forward requires honesty and openness from all sides. Memory is imperfect, and different family members will inevitably remember shared experiences differently. The goal shouldn’t be to “win” the argument about what really happened, but to acknowledge that multiple perspectives can coexist.
For my part, I remain committed to supporting my children’s authentic selves while maintaining my own authentic voice. True greenlighting means making space for complexity—acknowledging that support doesn’t require complete agreement, and that loving relationships can thrive amidst respectful differences.
In the end, recorded evidence has helped me validate my own memories, but the more important work lies in rebuilding trust through continued greenlighting. By validating experiences, listening without judgment, and creating space for dialogue, we can navigate the complex terrain of family support in ways that honor everyone’s journey.
References and Sources
Video Documentation of LGBTQ+ Support
Family Conversations and Direct Evidence
- LGBT Rebuttal – The New Gender War and the Pronoun Mess, and a conversation with my kids (July 22, 2022)
Recorded conversation illustrating “greenlighting” in practice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fewP5O9ApzU
Historical Support for LGBTQ+ Rights (Chronological)
- Opposition to Proposition 8 (2008)
Early public stance against California’s anti-gay marriage initiative
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itABvtrjvY0 - Addressing LGBTQ+ Teen Suicide Rates and LDS Church Policies (2011)
Public commentary on religious policies and their impact on LGBTQ+ youth
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ccUG_HX52s - Biblical Interpretation and LGBTQ+ Rights (2013)
Discussion on Old vs. New Testament, challenging religious arguments against LGBTQ+ acceptance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SU7HQCeJbw - Support for Gay Marriage with Nuanced Policy Views (March 13, 2013)
Video explaining support for marriage equality while discussing concerns about certain anti-discrimination legislation approaches
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0YNYDcKcb0 - Mutual Respect in Language and Identity Discussions (Date Unspecified)
Video discussing the importance of two-way respect in conversations about pronouns and identity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQx5zJaQ7Lg
Ryan Thompson writes about family dynamics, LGBTQ+ issues, and cultural challenges at Disruptarian.com
No Comments